Started working full time at Kaiser Fremont couple weeks ago.  Work schedule is starting to get quite busy.  But it's what I wanted to do all my life.  I've gone such a long way to get to where I am today.  I am happy, and at peace.  My work is rewarding and fulfilling.  I love it!

 

Not doing much otherwise -- hanging out with friends that I haven't seen in a while, spending time with my mom at home.  Waiting for honey to come back from Boston.  I miss you!!  Looking forward to having you by my side again.

Just got back from Mexico vacation.  Couldn't wait to share these memories with you.

 

So many changes in the past couple months.  I guess it's time for me to move on to the next phase in my life.

 

Looking forward to the Boston trip.  Then I need to come back and be a good girl, and a REAL doctor.  =)

擁有一份完整的愛, 是幸福的

 

When you feel down, when you feel depressed, when you feel that you can't go on...

 

The following works for me:

 

1. Sleep - When i have a stressful day at work, all i want to do is go home and put my head under the covers.  It really works...  You can cry yourself to sleep, you can have five million thoughts running through your head, but ultimately, you WILL fall asleep...  Whatever sentiment you have the minute you wake up -- at least your survived a night... and you WILL be okay.

 

2. Talk to people - Getting on MSN is a good idea.  It allows you to talk to people at all times during the day.  If not, call up some old friends just to chat.  Better yet, call up friends to go out and hang out.  Just being with people is therapeutic in itself.

 

3. Blog - This is like keeping a journal, but a public journal.  You can vent, and "people" will listen.  It's quite therapeutic I think.  It certainly brings out my creative side that I never thought existed.  (Boring old doctors!)

 

4. Exercise - I LOVE to kill myself on the treadmill.  If I workout after work, I feel like I can get rid of ALL the stress at work by KILLING myself on the machines.  The more pain I inflict, the less pain I feel.  Haha, call me sadistic.  But this is the healthier way to relieve stress.

 

5. Eat eat eat - Now for the not so healthy way.  Sometimes I treat myself to a pearl milk tea when I feel like I need the sugar and the comfort.  We all know that eating release some endorphin in your body.  Go out to a yummy restaurant, or cook a bunch of yummy food.

 

6. Ocean & Mountain - Feeling the force of nature will let you forget your worries.  You will feel that the trouble you have is soo miniscule compared to the wonder of nature.  No matter what happens to YOU, the ocean will be there, the mountain will be there.  For years and years and years.  If you listen carefully and think hard, they will teach you lessons about life.

 

7. Bubble Bath - This is the cheaper version of massage, spa and facial for me =)

 

8. Get Busy - Focus on other things in your life.  Find ways to keep yourself busy so you won't think about the issue at hand.  The more you think, the more depressed you get.

 

9. Read a Book - Reading self-improvement books help me as well.  When I feel down or depressed, I will come upon one line in the book.  This one line would make me feel like somone turned on the light in a dark room.  Reading a good book can change your attitude and outlook on life. 

 

10. Watch a Movie - What works for me is watching drama series.  I have had days when I lock myself in my room for three whole days, engross myself in a tv drama.  I feel removed from my life, and forget the worries I have in my life.  This works as well with a trashy romance novel.  =)

 

GOOD LUCK!!

If your life is saturated with happiness, you would not be blogging.

If your life is busy and fulfilled, you would not be blogging.

If you are not missing anything else in your life, you would not be blogging.

 

Blog is for the bored.

 

Don't get me wrong.  It's a good place to vent.  To express yourself.  To tell others what is on your mind.  It's an avenue to tell others how sorry you are, and tell them how much you hurt.

 

When you feel like your world is falling apart, when you feel like there's no one out there for you, when you feel like nothing is going right in your life...

 

Blog is always there for you.

 

I laugh at my own naiveness.  Cannot believe I had fallen into a trap I set for myself.  What I thought was fairytale is actually REAL.  What I thought was true, is now imaginary.  Hahaha.  Looking back, I realized how naive I was, how silly I was to believe this was all true.  But now I know, all the words can be twisted, all the ideas reversed.  Funny how words can play little tricks -- it's all in the head.

 

I thought I am smarter than that.  I thought I can read others well.  I thought I am good at analyzing.  But now I realize, I'm still very naive.  I believe everyone is good, no one is evil.  If you treat others well, they will do the same to you.  If you bare you heart to others, they will do the same to you.  But now I know otherwise.  I have learned my lesson, yet once again.

 

I actually feel a sense of relieve.  I've been released from a burden I've placed on myself lately.  I am quick to drop the heavy burden onto the floor, and walk away with a brush of my hands.  Still, I'm a little sadden by this.  Sad for humanity.  Sad for morality.  Who can I trust?  Who should I trust?  I don't know anymore.  Once again, fallen into a web of confusion...

 

But now the coast is clear.  The fog has cleared.  Now I know.  I can walk forward again without hesitation.  I just have a sense of remorse...  A part of me has died...

 

I thank you for a lesson well learned.

What a crazy night.  After a couple calm nights in a row, this is definitely a night worth remembering.  THIS is what makes medicine fun and exciting.  THIS is what practicing medicine is all about.  If Ricky were with me tonite, he would be bouncing off the wall with all the activities and commotions.  Intubation, heart attack, stroke, high blood pressure, low blood pressure...  All in one night.  I was writing orders every fifteen minutes, changing them according to the patient's status.  Wheeling the patient to CT scan, had a little pow-wow at the CT scan.  Talking with family about patient's prognosis, bouncing ideas off of the attending, chatting with respiratory therapist & nurses...  I did not get any sleep, but surprisingly, I cannot sleep right now.  I am running on pure adrenaline and stress horomone.

 

This is definitely different from the past couple nights.  Night float hasn't been too bad so far.  Sleep 6-8 hours during the day, sleep some more at night, have an admission here and there, have little slumber party with my fellow residents.  I feel more at peace, more well rested, more calm, more fulfilled.  Had a little more time to myself to think and to be alone.  There was a little more politics on night float, if you can believe that.  Power struggle between attending and residents.  I learn to be more confident, to stand up for myself, to respect others, but yet, not let anyone walk over me.  It's a lesson well learned.

 

All in all ~ twas a good night.  Alas, I've got a LOONG day ahead...